He's Gone But I Can Still Feel Him

Have you ever taken the time to really think about why you love someone? Have you ever really taken the time to see what it is about them that captures you? Have you ever wondered why it is that every time they leave your side you feel this emptynes and need for them? Honestly, I've never really thought about those things until I woke up this morning and realized that the love of my life is gone for a month. I suddenly started thinking about all the things that we are hoping for in our future together. I started to wonder how it is that I found such a wonderful man. I started to ask myself how we made it through all of the hard times we've been through. But you know, I found out that love is the hardest thing to try to figure out and explain. You can't explain love. You can't really explain why you are in love with a person. But, you can explain all the things that make that person so wonderful.

I've been with Josh for a year and almost 8 months. We've planned a future together and we have goals for our relationship. But, in all things we want and have palnned, we only take it one day at a time. In fact, most of the time he's the one telling me to calm down and take a breath. He's always here for me. He's always taken care of me. And all the little things just make me fall in love with him over again.

The way he looks at me sometimes. Not really wanting to say anything, just wanting to look at me and smile. Those little moments where we just smile at each other still give me chills. The way he holds me tight while we fall asleep. The warmth of his body and the sound of his heart beat just remind me of who I fell in love with. The way he says "I love you". Soft and deep. And the way he touches me when he says it. Sometimes it's a hug and sometimes it's just the squeez of my finger. No matter how he touches me I still freeze.

I don't know how to explain it. It's just one of those things that I "knew". I didn't have to have someone explain it to me, I didn't have to have someone tell me if it was right or wrong, and I didn't have to listen to anyone but myself. In fact, I think being with Josh is the one time that I have listened to my heart instead of my head. And I didn't care what anyone else thought. I just did it and took that chance. And yes, my heart got broke a couple of times, but did finally realize. And yes, we are still working out some "problems" but he is willing to change and he finally understands where I'm coming from now.

I think we are happier now than we have ever been. I love you baby. I'll see you soon. xoxoxoxoxo